when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize