Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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