The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
