Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
time to smoke my breakfast
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
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