Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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