Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
