I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
