White coat. Heels.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
