I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
