where am i from again
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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