Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
