then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
