He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
