And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
