ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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