Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
