There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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