ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
