Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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