he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
