i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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