need another drink. this is the easiest way
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
