I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
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