Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
