im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
