Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
