i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
