Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
