I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
