No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Well I just put wine in my tea
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
