Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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