We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
