Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
