I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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