the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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