do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
