There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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