I'll bet she douches with gravy.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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