it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
