We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
