i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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