look no pants
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
