Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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