just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
