We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize