Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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