I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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