I love black thongs
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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