Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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