I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
