i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
did i walk over a car last night?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
