I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
