I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You pole danced in your parka.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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