Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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