I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 609 share tweet
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
