Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
