the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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