Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
