You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
