I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
