oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
