How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize