woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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