I must be too annoying 4 u.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
