Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
