I'm so fucking centered right now
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
