I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
