um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
