My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize