They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
