At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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