I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
