he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Randomize
