drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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