Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
