Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize