I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
