My sheets look like a crime scene.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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