What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
