I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
