Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
