you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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