I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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