i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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