dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
