honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
