Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
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