No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
