I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
