well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
