porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
