I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Randomize
