i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
