I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
