You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
