Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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