I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
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