I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
