I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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