i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize