New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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