plz talk dirty to me
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
