I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
