Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize