Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
birth control should be required to get into college
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Randomize
