i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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