I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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