Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
That accounts for only three of the penises
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
