I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
