I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
