Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
