i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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