Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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