I want you more than these girls want KFC
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize