You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
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