K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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