I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
