my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
